Day 17:

Doctors appointment went MUCH better than I anticipated!! I told him about my anxiety - he was so understanding - when I told him that I wasn't sure of the exact final reason as to why the c-section was done, he said "let's find out" and looked over my lab results and notes from doctor S. he told me that my placenta was starting to detach. He told me that he's surprised things ended as we'll as they did with her birth now knowing that! He said in all his experience that when that happens the outcome is usually "really bad" he said that Dr. S made the right call at the right time. I cannot even describe the weight lifted off of me after hearing that!! I have been waiting to hear it wasn't my fault for 5 months!! I've always tried to find a way to blame myself - (maybe I shouldn't have gotten an epidural maybe I shouldn't have brought up the topic of induction) but THIS is out of my control (in a good way) and I am thankful dr. S made that call so early - I have my baby's life and my life because of it. (I guess he's a pretty awesome dr after all!!)

Also doctor told me that he does obstetrics, and if and when I get pregnant again he'd be happy to be my doctor. I told him about my desire to do VBAC for any future pregnancies and he told me that he's comfortable with VBAC and that he's never had to go back to c-section with any of his VBACs!! So I asked him about my placenta detaching and whether or not that will make it a high risk for it happening again. He said that when the placenta detaches there is no way of knowing "why" it's one of those medical things that happens without a real reason as to why it happened... He said that it does not mean it will happen again. He said that about 1% of women experience full placental abrupt ion. I had partial because we delivered so soon! Had I waited until I dilated and had a vaginal birth, neither of us would be here more than likely!

So thankful for this news!! I DIDN'T FAIL!!!

Got to tell my mom about it tonight and I'm so excited to spend tonight and tomorrow with her!! Elsie just loves her!!

Super tired long day!! But today is the beginning of the end (to my depression) got my head held high, feeling really good!!!

GOODnight
Sarah