Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Day 37:

Not sure how I feel about doing this but... I read an article about post partum bodies. So much changes after and during pregnancy. This article inspired me to take a picture of MY post partum body.  I am not a very confident person - and not at all where I want to be in terms of physical fitness... but I am thankful for my new body.  I never would have done this had I not had a baby...
This is my post partum body.  The picture doesn't show my c-section scar very much but this is 14 months post partum. I have work to do but most of this will not change... I'm happy to have been the home for my daughter while she developed and stayed comfortably a week past her due date!  She developed into a beautiful perfect 7 lbs 13 oz and 20 in long! She had to fit somewhere and my body accommodated for her to the best of its ability! I earned this body and wear it proudly! Sent this picture to my partner McKenzie and she mentioned to me later this evening,  why are you sending me sexy pictures while I'm at work.  She still thinks this body is sexy and I think even more so after baby! No compliants here! 

Please don't judge me if you don't like what you see, don't look at it, this took a lot of courage to post and I feel it's part of the healing process.  I've come to embrace my body something I've NEVER really done and I'm happy to have this confidence!

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Day 36: JDRF Walk for a Cure

Today was our first juvenile diabetes research foundation walk for a cure event.  This was the first of many.  We will be dedicated to raising money for our sweet baby to someday have a cure from this disease.  We had about 20 our so people on our team and we walked two miles in Mishawaka it was wonderful! Weather was chilly but not too cold, it did sprinkle a bit and started raining at the end. Everyone was mingling with each other and it wasn't uncomfortable for anyone! Couldn't have been more happy! My shirts looked great and we had so many compliments on them! Elsie loved the attention! I love how social she is, she doesn't shy away too much! Everyone that loves her and everyone she loves was there for her! 

I am saying her shirt from this year and every year... I talked about making a t shirt quilt for her when she's older of all the walk shirts we get! It made me cry because I'm sure we'll walk with this for the rest of our lives! As hopeful as I am for a cure,  the reality is hard to swallow!

So thankful for my beautiful baby and for medicine for saving her life and continuing to do so everyday!  Without the advancements in medicine I couldn't kiss my baby goodnight anymore!

Feeling thankful, and emotional tonight... the love and support for our family and our daughter is incredible!  Life is good!

Monday, September 2, 2013

Day 35:

Elsie is coming out of this honeymoon phase she's been in lately, her sugars have been higher than they were, and she's still super sensitive to insulin. So it's difficult to give her what she needs and to keep her within range... But we're doing our best!

We go see Noreen tomorrow, so many things to talk about. I need to make a list so I don't forget. Kenz may not be out of work on time. She's been working her ass off. Its been rough for me too, I miss her and I need some me time. I try to stay up after Elsie and kenz go to bed but I'm tired too and its hard to relax without falling asleep and I have to get up 4 hours after I put Elsie to bed to check her sugar so it doesn't really make me want to stay up. I know I need to be more understanding of how tired and overworked she is. Somedays are worse than others. She's been pretty high lately and I feel as if I'm not doing a great job in terms of "controlling" her diabetes. I just don't trust the insulin her body is too sensitive to it and it drops her sugar so quickly I don't feel right giving it to her.

My chest hurts right now because I am so worried about Elsie. Her sugar was so high before bed and I know she doesn't feel good, and I just don't know how to make her feel better. Its nights like this I just hold her and pray with her in my arms, that any suffering she may feel will go away when she slips into a deep sleep. I am so scared for her when she's older to feel sick from her sugar. I hope science continues as it has and we get more and more advanced treatments to care for our sweet little lady. 

We've been spending a lot of time with my family and have been talking about moving up there to Grand Rapids. It would be amazing to live closer to our biggest support system. I fear that the move would only further our relationship with McKenzie's family. At least I know my family will travel to see us, McKenzie's family on the other hand would not travel to see us, and it breaks my heart that thatbis our reality.  I can't even get McKenzie's dad to buy shirts for the diabetes walk were doing. Such bull that I have to bribe and pull strings just to even get them to attend the walk 

Anyway! I am not going to start getting into all that! 

Been talking about baby #2 as well. Maybe in the spring. We'll be caught up with finances for sure, and we'll have had almost a year with the diabetes to see how comfortable we are. If its not "smooth" by then I think we're going to wait another year. We want to be ready and we want Elsie to understand what's going on. its a big decision obviously, and a lot of talk and planning will and has gone into it because of the diabetes VBAC etc, its not a small thing to decide on.

Goodnight to all. This mama's going to bed!

Til Later