Well worrying aside - I started timing contractions Friday March 27th at 4:00pm - every 3-5 minutes, not getting any stronger but not going away - so we call my mom and go walking around at the mall. I am sure they would end when I started walking. They didn't end and got even stronger once Elsie went to bed. So we notified Dr and Doula about what was happening. Well Friday night was NO JOKE they were crazy every 5 or 7 minutes and lasting a good 45 seconds to a minute each one. So I knew I needed rest for this so I tried to sleep - when I went to bed Friday night I had lost some of my mucous plug and I was so excited my body was working how it was supposed to.
Saturday was a different story - as I couldn't sleep through the night the contractions were at times regular and they increased throughout the day. Saturday morning our Doula came and gave us some essential oils and helped us with the miles circuit and we hid away in our bedroom because I couldn't turn off Mommy mode when Elsie was by me and couldn't labor effectively. When Elsie went to bed Saturday it was ON - my contractions were almost back to back and I was crying through them. I was experiencing very sharp pains when baby moved in between contractions. I began to get concerned. We called our doctor and he wanted us to come to the hospital to get checked to see where we were and see if we should be admitted or not. I was not dilated OR effaced at all after over 24 hours of consistent contractions.
I felt defeated. I took the ambien offered at the hospital and went home crushed... I was laboring but my body wasn't complying with the contractions and doing anything. So I contracted every three minutes all night Saturday night.
When I woke up Sunday morning I had a sense of peace I hadn't felt this entire pregnancy. I knew that my baby wanted to be born and I wanted to feel some sort of control and peace with this birth. I knew that if I continued contracting like this - it could be two weeks before we would even do an induction and I wanted to avoid that. I knew where this labor was going - I knew it would end up requiring an emergency cesearan and I did not want to be traumatized again, I wanted a peaceful birth. I called my doctor and said "what if I don't want to do a VBAC anymore, is that ok?" and he said "whatever decision you make is the right decision, sarah" So I told him I wanted to schedule the section - I was in labor and I would labor until they could schedule me.
I knew what this entailed. I knew that the doctor who cut me open the first time may be the doctor to do it again (as my doctor was family practice so he did not do C-sections only assisted with them). He knew my fears and distrust associated with that doctor and somehow worked his magic and was able to get me into the hospital THAT day. He asked the female surgeon in their group to squeeze me in on a Sunday afternoon. I could not have been more thankful for him being able to keep my birth plan wishes (to keep Dr. S out of my delivery room at all costs)
We headed up to the hospital around 10am - and we waited around and I continued to have contractions. The surgeon came in to talk to me and asked if she could check my cervix to make sure that I wasn't indeed dilating at all. She mentioned how intense these contractions were and she knew how badly I wanted a VBAC so she wanted to give me that option as much as possible. Which I 100% respected and appreciated. I allowed her to check me and I was still high and closed. We were waiting for the anesthesiologist to come to begin the spinal block so we could do surgery but he was still in surgery. So we were going to give me some medication to stop the contractions since they were not helping anything since I had decided on a gentle cesarean.
We were told the anetsthesiologist was ready and so we were ready to go to surgery. They gave me the option to stay in the bed and be wheeled into the OR or I could walk. I decided to walk.
This is the moment that changed it all!! Walking into that OR was my moment - I OWNED this birth I was birthing under my terms I knew my options - I knew my choices and I made each and every decision myself. This was my healing birth...
It was a slow process, the spinal was started and my legs went from FREEZING to warm - and they laid me back onto my back - I started to lose my breath and I felt my face get HOT and it felt like a panic attack was creeping on me - once that blue curtain was put up. I went to a dark place, I went to the trauma of Elsie's birth. I started to panic - I was so scared but I couldn't talk... I closed my eyes and I was SO tired from the no sleep I'd been getting from the last few days. I was worried immediately that I since I felt so tired and relaxed that I would sleep through this birth and I was so worried!! Just then I felt my mom touch my face and all the fear left my body and I was SO excited and ready to meet my baby!!
It was wonderful and not nearly as rushed as it was with Elsie (obviously because this was not an emergency) and I heard her cry, then Doctor Nush said "is Veda a boy name too?" and I said "Oh My God is it a boy?!?" it was not she was very much a girl but he knew how different my pregnancy was from Elsie's and he knew I was not convinced that it was a girl since I didn't hear it form the sonographer and only was told from my mother! So he was trying to be funny - some of the nurses looked at me like "oh my did he just do that?" but if they knew the background of our relationship with this doctor they would not be surprised at all!!
So she was born - crying and peeing as she came out!! She was born at 1:41pm on March 29, 2015 - She weighed 7lbs 5.4oz 19.75inches long. She was smaller than her sister and everyone thought I was bigger this time around!! She was SO tiny & had such small features. Small ears, small fingers, tiny little feet!! She was placed on my chest after she was looked over and she got immediate skin to skin while they were sewing me up & she rooted to my breast and was able to breastfeed on the OR table too!! This became the most amazing healing birth - and I didn't think this was possible without a vaginal birth!
Life as we knew it was going to change forever & I never knew how much love I could feel in my heart!!