Day 4:

Had a lot of fun today with McKenzie and Elsie!! We paid rent, went to Target, Buffalo Wild Wings, and Walmart for a couple things!! Elsie got to be carried around in the store and saw herself in the mirror by the shoes, she was talking away!! She loved looking at herself!! We were at Buffalo Wild Wings and these two women were sitting behind me at our booth. They were discussing (loudly) about a co-worker who was on bed-rest and due to have a baby in 18 days. One of the women said, "she better not have that blood clot still I they'll do a c-section" and then said, "that's the way to go anyhow, you go in they cut the baby out and you're done!" DONE?! Are you kidding me? It took so much strength to not turn around and give her a bad look!! You are FAR from done after a c-section you have weeks of recovery!! I'm still recovering physically! My first physical restraint at Oaklawn after Elsie was 3 months old made my stomach muscles sore for days!! They RIP with their hands your layer of muscle apart, they make a tiny incision in your muscle layer and one person grabs each side and they pull away from each other to open the muscle layer wide enough!! It's brutal! Apparently I helps with healing if they rip it so the edges are jagged and not smooth! }{ that grows back together better than this ][ it makes since but it's awful to see and to go through.

Mckenzie and I talked about it after they left and she helped me to realize that everyone is different and they do not think the same as me. In my head up until this point had felt alone in my feelings but in the back of my head felt that everyone who had a c-section had these feelings but I just didn't know anyone!! I guess there are a lot of people who have c-sections and are fine. And that is okay! It doesn't make them better or worse than me just different. Mckenzie said that had she gone through the same experience I did she may feel totally different about it. At nice to have her be the rational one sometimes!! Feels good!

THEN we were at k-mart and on the over head it started paying a commercial about waiting until 39 weeks to give birth as brain, lung and heart developments finalize in the last few weeks of pregnancy. Then it said and always try to allow yourself to start labor naturally as that's always better for baby!! Kenz noticed it that time!! I swear I cannot get away from it, we had a good laugh about it actually. I did get anxious at Buffalo Wild Wings and at K-mart But Kenz helped and I was honest with her about my feelings today!! Felt proud of myself!

Talked to a good friend today - my best friend about some things and she always knows how to make me feel better!! She's amazing!! I don't think I can tell her that enough! It's always good to feel that love of a friend and know that she's there for you always! We don't see each other a lot but I can always text or call her and she's always an open ear and its good to have that outlet when I need it!!

McKenzie got her hair cut for be first time at a salon today! Her mom always cut it as she's a cosmetologist - but it's been sort of sloppy and not to kenz's liking lately so she though she'd try it! She was so cute about it and was asking me if I'd take her yogurt her first hair cut- it was adorable!! I am reminded so often of how blessed I am to have her in my life and to have her love me as much as she does!! I'm sort of crazy and she puts up with it well. I love her!

Dealt with some drama tonight but mckenzie and I talked about it and we're not going to let it come between our friendship- life is too short and having people in our lives is important. Especially people we care about. We also talked about doing what's best for our family!! I was able to keep my mind off of things today for the most part - until I was thrown I my face, but with the help of mckenzie I was able to get through the day on minimal panic attacks and in a good mood!!

Had a great day - high hopes for another great one tomorrow!!!

Til Later - Sarah