Day 46:

Things have been awfully hectic around this household lately!! We have had two house guests for the last month! We let my best friend and her son move in with us temporarily while her and her husband were seperated and getting a divorce. Its been rough - We have let people live with us before and I think I forget the commitment it really is. More dishes, more laundry, more people, less room!! We do not have a big house to begin with and I love her to death BUT I will be happy to have the house back to myself - Kenz is going to go back to work at afirst shift job - which will be nice but I also have gotten used to having help with my babysitting kids having my friend AND Kenz here during the day - so I am sure the first few days will be trying! But I will move on. I like the idea that I am helping provide for the family!! I know that McKenzie's job will be able to take care of us solely but I want to be able to go back to school and I'd like to be able to pay for that with the money that I am earning myself!

I have been continuing to think about wanting to try for another baby - I know that right now is not the time to do this! I know that we have decided to wait a little bit, but I still have the desire to do so. I had envisioned a timeline of when my children would be apart age wise and I wanted so badly to keep with that. I wasn't able to necessarily follow it as I'd like because first I had a c-section which messed things up initially and then Elsie got sick - I want Elsie to be able to understand her Diabetes in a certain sense before we have another one. I still have SO much to learn in terms of my next birth and my options and my VBAC rights etc. I am so determined to do everything I can to give birth on my terms.

I have seen so much around me with loss of pregnancy or potential loss of life of their unborn child. It is terrifying to me that that is even an option - I could NOT imagine losing a child that I grew inside my body - and now for some reason this is a HUGE fear of mine.

I have SO much on my mind and I want to sleep for like 24 consecutive hours - Goodnight all!!

Til later,
Sarah