tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66286534202770049682024-03-12T17:26:19.384-07:00A New Point of View: My Life After Cesarean BirthAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-2408216573688797832015-09-23T19:23:00.002-07:002015-09-23T19:24:19.672-07:00Day 52: Birth Story Of Veda Diane Hunt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Well worrying aside - I started timing contractions Friday March 27th at 4:00pm - every 3-5 minutes, not getting any stronger but not going away - so we call my mom and go walking around at the mall. I am sure they would end when I started walking. They didn't end and got even stronger once Elsie went to bed. So we notified Dr and Doula about what was happening. Well Friday night was NO JOKE they were crazy every 5 or 7 minutes and lasting a good 45 seconds to a minute each one. So I knew I needed rest for this so I tried to sleep - when I went to bed Friday night I had lost some of my mucous plug and I was so excited my body was working how it was supposed to. <br />
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Saturday was a different story - as I couldn't sleep through the night the contractions were at times regular and they increased throughout the day. Saturday morning our Doula came and gave us some essential oils and helped us with the miles circuit and we hid away in our bedroom because I couldn't turn off Mommy mode when Elsie was by me and couldn't labor effectively. When Elsie went to bed Saturday it was ON - my contractions were almost back to back and I was crying through them. I was experiencing very sharp pains when baby moved in between contractions. I began to get concerned. We called our doctor and he wanted us to come to the hospital to get checked to see where we were and see if we should be admitted or not. I was not dilated OR effaced at all after over 24 hours of consistent contractions.<br />
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I felt defeated. I took the ambien offered at the hospital and went home crushed... I was laboring but my body wasn't complying with the contractions and doing anything. So I contracted every three minutes all night Saturday night.<br />
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When I woke up Sunday morning I had a sense of peace I hadn't felt this entire pregnancy. I knew that my baby wanted to be born and I wanted to feel some sort of control and peace with this birth. I knew that if I continued contracting like this - it could be two weeks before we would even do an induction and I wanted to avoid that. I knew where this labor was going - I knew it would end up requiring an emergency cesearan and I did not want to be traumatized again, I wanted a peaceful birth. I called my doctor and said "what if I don't want to do a VBAC anymore, is that ok?" and he said "whatever decision you make is the right decision, sarah" So I told him I wanted to schedule the section - I was in labor and I would labor until they could schedule me.<br />
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I knew what this entailed. I knew that the doctor who cut me open the first time may be the doctor to do it again (as my doctor was family practice so he did not do C-sections only assisted with them). He knew my fears and distrust associated with that doctor and somehow worked his magic and was able to get me into the hospital THAT day. He asked the female surgeon in their group to squeeze me in on a Sunday afternoon. I could not have been more thankful for him being able to keep my birth plan wishes (to keep Dr. S out of my delivery room at all costs)<br />
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We headed up to the hospital around 10am - and we waited around and I continued to have contractions. The surgeon came in to talk to me and asked if she could check my cervix to make sure that I wasn't indeed dilating at all. She mentioned how intense these contractions were and she knew how badly I wanted a VBAC so she wanted to give me that option as much as possible. Which I 100% respected and appreciated. I allowed her to check me and I was still high and closed. We were waiting for the anesthesiologist to come to begin the spinal block so we could do surgery but he was still in surgery. So we were going to give me some medication to stop the contractions since they were not helping anything since I had decided on a gentle cesarean. <br />
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We were told the anetsthesiologist was ready and so we were ready to go to surgery. They gave me the option to stay in the bed and be wheeled into the OR or I could walk. I decided to walk. <br />
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This is the moment that changed it all!! Walking into that OR was my moment - I OWNED this birth I was birthing under my terms I knew my options - I knew my choices and I made each and every decision myself. This was my healing birth...<br />
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It was a slow process, the spinal was started and my legs went from FREEZING to warm - and they laid me back onto my back - I started to lose my breath and I felt my face get HOT and it felt like a panic attack was creeping on me - once that blue curtain was put up. I went to a dark place, I went to the trauma of Elsie's birth. I started to panic - I was so scared but I couldn't talk... I closed my eyes and I was SO tired from the no sleep I'd been getting from the last few days. I was worried immediately that I since I felt so tired and relaxed that I would sleep through this birth and I was so worried!! Just then I felt my mom touch my face and all the fear left my body and I was SO excited and ready to meet my baby!!<br />
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It was wonderful and not nearly as rushed as it was with Elsie (obviously because this was not an emergency) and I heard her cry, then Doctor Nush said "is Veda a boy name too?" and I said "Oh My God is it a boy?!?" it was not she was very much a girl but he knew how different my pregnancy was from Elsie's and he knew I was not convinced that it was a girl since I didn't hear it form the sonographer and only was told from my mother! So he was trying to be funny - some of the nurses looked at me like "oh my did he just do that?" but if they knew the background of our relationship with this doctor they would not be surprised at all!!<br />
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So she was born - crying and peeing as she came out!! She was born at 1:41pm on March 29, 2015 - She weighed 7lbs 5.4oz 19.75inches long. She was smaller than her sister and everyone thought I was bigger this time around!! She was SO tiny & had such small features. Small ears, small fingers, tiny little feet!! She was placed on my chest after she was looked over and she got immediate skin to skin while they were sewing me up & she rooted to my breast and was able to breastfeed on the OR table too!! This became the most amazing healing birth - and I didn't think this was possible without a vaginal birth!<br />
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Life as we knew it was going to change forever & I never knew how much love I could feel in my heart!! </div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-69041613781730536312015-09-23T18:22:00.000-07:002015-09-23T19:24:05.069-07:00Day 51: This flew by!!I noticed this blog was supposed to be names "halfway" I am BEYOND halfway at this point. We learned in November we would be adding a girl to the family Veda Diane was set to arrive sometime around her due date of March 29, 2015. <br />
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We hired Star, our doula, to help us prepare for this VBAC journey and she was amazing!! She provided me with additional information to help us know our options etc.<br />
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I failed my one hour glucose test, but passed the 3 hour thankfully so no Gestational Diabetes. Then find out that I was GBS+ - I began to get discouraged I did not want to have to have an IV at all - I wanted to stay home and labor as long as possible. Now I find out I am at a higher risk for PROM and I have to have antibiotics via IV every 8 hours during active labor.<br />
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February 24th I fell on the ice. Our carbon monoxide detector went off in the house so I called the fire department and they told me to leave the house and wait for them to get there - WELL it was like 8 degrees outside so I was going to go into the garage and I took one step down the stairs and went flying and landed on my back (thankfully not my belly) my head and neck hurt pretty bad but I wasn't having any contractions or anything. I called our doctor and he saw me for a quick visit in the office during lunch break and sent me up to the hospital for monitoring. Everything was okay and we left and Veda was comfortable as can be.<br />
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We waited patiently for labor to begin and I was inviting contractions and hadn't really experienced anything not even Braxton hicks contractions the entire pregnancy so I was starting to worry I'd NEVER go into labor on my own!!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-76707058714472236922014-09-14T16:05:00.001-07:002014-09-14T16:05:06.608-07:00Day 50: Its happening!!We're having another baby!!! Baby #2 is due in April 2015!! I couldn't be more excited to announce this and we are 12 weeks today!! My VBAC journey has begun!!<br />
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I have an incredible doctor working with me and I trust him completely and I am 100% comfortable with him!! He is willing to let me go to 42 weeks without inducing (as long as everything up until then is okay!) Just a quick update!! Not sure who's still following this!! <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-22086958361254044232014-08-21T19:43:00.001-07:002014-08-21T19:43:43.212-07:00Day 49: ThankfulI sit here and I am watching T.V. Elsie and McKenzie are sleeping, soundly and peacefully. I cannot express my thankfulness for the two of these ladies in my life!! McKenzie struggles with anxiety everyday and still goes to work everyday - she is extremely frustrated with her mental health and I hate that I cannot do a damn thing to help her!! I try to keep the house clean (I'm not the best housekeeper and that's NO secret). She works so hard so I can stay home with Elsie - It means the world to be that she chooses to do that for us! I have ALWAYS worked and when we got pregnant with Elsie I always imagined I always would. As soon as that little girl was in my arms - my desire to work 5 days a week was GONE. Second shift was DEFINITELY out of the question lol and I got that job at the hospital and it was awesome I was working while Elsie was sleeping at first and only 2-3 days a week. Then I switched to first shift and still only 3 days a week and it was still great!! I was happy and working was manageable. THEN I lost my job - and THEN she got sick and I kind of lost it a little bit - I tried to find a job before Elsie got sick but McKenzie stepped up right away when I lost my job (I was so upset and down on myself) McKenzie said that it was her choice to step up and get a job, and she got a great job!! Elsie got sick and I cannot imagine ever going back to work!!<br />
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It is so weird how roles change, and how much has changed since May of 2013. October 2011 I would have never imagined this being my life. And I've even talked about homeschooling Elsie WHAAAT?!?!? I've always been so anti-homeschooling - but with diabetes I want to make sure Elsie can manage her insulin intake herself before she goes to school. I think I am a fairly smart person and I can definitely teach Elsie elementary school subjects - there are a lot of places and groups that help get you set up etc... <br />
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I am also thankful for the Dexcom - it has been a HUGE game changer - helps me sleep better at night - the insulin pump has increased Elsie's quality of life for sure as well as our own and the Dexcom has definitely saved us some stress - as well as caused it but you win some you lose some! There are still days that we seem to have NO idea what we are doing and that just reminds us how awful this disease is - and that we cannot slack at all. If there is one thing diabetes does is keep you on your toes... :-) I wouldn't change my life for anything. I've never been happier - I am so thankful for the ability to communicate with McKenzie as well as we do. There are of course our own battles that we handle when they come but nothing is perfect and we are certainly not. We love each other and make decisions together (sometimes its hard) and at a result we have an amazingly healthy baby girl!!<br />
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I am thankful for my Mother - she has been such a huge support for our family!! She's helped whenever we've needed it - she only shows unconditional love for all three of us. She is our only trained diabetic babysitter and only person we can trust to be alone with Elsie without us - I hope that number will change in the years to come - but for now we are thankful for her desire to be there for us when we need some time to ourselves. As a parent of a diabetic we don't get date nights or much time at all ALONE - and it makes things a little more difficult sometimes... but we make the hour at night after Elsie goes to bed well worth the quality time!! <br />
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Life has definitely changed in several different ways since we introduced Elsie into our lives - some good, some bad, some happy, some sad but I wouldn't ask for anything different to be my life right now. I am insanely happy and VERY happy to be able to say that - <br />
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Been a while since I've posted in here hopefully I'll be posting more SOON!! Thanks for reading and supporting!!<br />
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Til Later<br />
SarahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-18847276881200798922014-04-06T20:46:00.002-07:002014-04-06T20:46:31.411-07:00Day 48: Reading can be difficult...I recently purchased a book called "Cut, Stapled & Mended" its a book about a woman's journey to VBAC after a negative birth experience.. There have been a lot of differences between my experience and hers but there were similar feelings during the c-section that I wanted share. I almost found myself crying at certain points and re-reading a few sentences over and over... these in particular...<br />
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page 43:<br />
"I am no longer in the body that these things are happening to. I hover around it, not sure what else to do." - its such a scary and weird feeling to know that your entire body is being cut open and violently being ripped and life is actually being pulled out of you - yet you feel nothing and can not move to see this happening just have to trust that the sensations that you do feel are somehow explainable...<br />
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"There is pulling, yanking hard, and pressure in the chest of the body that I used to be inside of. It can't breathe. The pulling, they are pulling the insides out, cutting and yanking." - as I said its so odd to feel nothing yet so much at the same time - and she mentions that classical music was playing - I don't remember music but I do remember them talking about going to the 4H fair and the food they were excited to eat...<br />
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page 45:<br />
"I didn't know how important my belly is to every movement." UNDERSTATEMENT of the century - enough said.<br />
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"The electric hospital bed is the only way I can lift my body into a sitting position. When I cough or sneeze, it feels like the incision is ripping open." - never have I ever been so scared to sneeze in my life - I remember being woken up from the pain as the epidural was wearing off - and wanting so badly to push the PRN button and remembering to push it every 15 minutes - once it stopped beeping and they told me that they were turning it off and they'd take it out later in the day - I wanted to cry because I knew Norco was the only thing I had to take and it NEVER touched the pain I felt. I was breastfeeding so I was scared to ask for more. I even refused a prescription to take with me because I didn't want to affect Elsie after birth... McKenzie made me call the doctor a few days later to get a prescription because I lost myself to pain in a way... the pain of labor was NOTHING to the pain after the surgery.<br />
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"If something is not located on the near edge of the side table, I cannot reach it. When his diaper needs changing, I must ask others to do it. When he needs a bath, I watch wistfully from the hospital bed, imagining that its my hands tenderly holding his head up from the water." - Feeling helpless and useless. I was only needed to feed the baby - I wanted to change her diapers. I wanted to get her out of the bassinet and stop her from crying. I wanted to let McKenzie sleep and not bother her - but I had to wake her up... I felt so guilty and helpless and I am not the type of person who can accept that as okay.<br />
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- I remember NO nurses trying to get me out of bed. I remember being in SO much pain and wanting to get out of bed so badly!! I wish that a nurse would have been there to encourage me to get out of the bed. I had my friend Rosie help me out of bed when she was there the night after she was born... It was so painful - I remember my mom telling me that standing up straight was not possible and BOY was she right. My muscles had just been through TOO MUCH to be able to support my body straight up... -<br />
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This book I think will prove to be very triggering - I think it will be healing and it will be empowering. I am part of MANY VBAC Facebook groups and almost on a daily basis will I see a successful VBAC post. I also see unsuccessful CBACs too and the support for those women is amazing and I share in the support. I see that they fought and I am so proud of them for trying. There are so many women who truly think that there is NO OTHER option - and I love to see that it it possible and I will fight the good fight too!!<br />
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I wanted to talk about this little bit of the book that I read - I will continue to share my feelings on this book... I hope that the book continues to reel me in - read 45 pages in one night and had a hard time stopping!!<br />
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Til later,<br />
SarahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-52923143348125448342014-04-03T18:56:00.001-07:002015-09-23T19:26:23.407-07:00Day 47: Not broken...April marks the Cesarean awareness month. This is designed to educate mothers to avoid an unnecessary c-section. I feel that I am definitely one of those mothers who went into a pregnancy thinking that everything was going to be perfect and NEVER had a thought that I may be bullied or talked into something my body wasn't ready for. I was NOT educated enough about induction and the fact that they fail...I thought you went in they made you go into labor and then you had a baby - vaginally - I was not prepared for trauma and disaster. My whole birthing experience was awful to be honest!<br />
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I've never really expressed my feelings about it actually. It was the day my induction was scheduled for and I received a call at 6:30am that my induction would be "postponed" due to the unit being too full at the time. I was PISSED to say the least. I had been having contractions and losing my mucous plug for days before this moment and couldn't sleep through contractions. I was exhausted and more than ready (so I thought) to have this baby. So we try to take my mind off of the contractions and go to Bob Evans for breakfast - I couldn't even eat breakfast because the contractions were so painful - horrible back labor - and now I know it was most likely position issues that caused the ineffective contractions. So we leave with the entire wait staff thinking I'm about to have this baby anytime!! YEAH RIGHT!!<br />
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We go back home - my mom is on her way and we get a call from the hospital at 10:30am that they are able to reschedule my induction and have me come in at 12 noon. I was beyond excited!! So we get there and they do their induction things - and I know I've already shared that part. What I haven't shared is the background noise that was happening. McKenzie, my mom and my best friend were in the room with me. Doctor gave me a three person limit. We get to hanging out - my contractions stopped once they gave me the suppository - and we hang out and watch TV and wait 4 hours for things to work. Stress begins to happen - my friend finds out her boyfriend is potentially cheating on her and is an emotional mess - I should have told her it was okay for her to leave - she honestly needed too. I feel like I pressured her to stay with me because I wanted her there - She needed to deal with her issue and being with me was stopping her from doing that but I also needed supportive people who were NOT distracted at all. She was a mess and I feel awful that she felt she could not leave.<br />
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I think another reason I agreed to this induction was because McKenzie is not the most patient person and was losing her patience to meet this beautiful baby I was making. I never researched my Bishop score - or asked what my chances for successful vaginal birth were... I will definitely be more prepared the next time around. My provider next time around will NOT induce me or even discuss induction until I reach 42 weeks - and hopefully that will not happen. I have decided that when my due date is given to me I am going to tell people two weeks from that date is my due date - that way people are not pressuring me and asking when I am going to have baby etc. Maybe it will even be a due month rather than due day.<br />
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I also do not want this to sound like I am blaming ANYONE for ruining my birth (aside from the doctor who cut me open and traumatized me) I invited all these individuals into my birthing experience and I welcomed everything they came with. I needed to stand up for myself and I did not do that. I was meek and didn't stand my ground but let the stress hurt my labor and I CHOSE for all of this to happen. I will say that next time the ONLY people allowed in the room are McKenzie, my mom, my doula and quite possibly a photographer. NO ONE else and that is because McKenzie and my mom will know my birth plan and know what I need - my doula will obviously know what I need, and I cannot have anyone that has connections to the outside world. My mom may not even be there!! She may have Elsie and be taking care of her while we are giving her a little brother or sister.<br />
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This experience is in the future obviously, but I am both excited and scared. It will be quite the journey and the learning experience. I have so much more to learn and read and experience before even trying that. With all that said I will be living April as a month to learn and educate myself and others about the pros and cons of a c section and the awfully high c section rate in this country. It is alarming how many women are given c sections and are traumatized as I was - its unnecessary and it needs to be seen as a problem... just a reminder that is will be MY birth and I will birth MY way and on MY terms - NO ONE knows my body like I know my body and I will experience vaginal birth as the amazing experience that it is and I will feel a healing VBAC - mark my words... MY BODY IS NOT BROKEN<br />
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Til later,<br />
SarahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-65196297103686932502014-03-27T18:44:00.000-07:002014-03-27T18:44:28.090-07:00Day 46: Things have been awfully hectic around this household lately!! We have had two house guests for the last month! We let my best friend and her son move in with us temporarily while her and her husband were seperated and getting a divorce. Its been rough - We have let people live with us before and I think I forget the commitment it really is. More dishes, more laundry, more people, less room!! We do not have a big house to begin with and I love her to death BUT I will be happy to have the house back to myself - Kenz is going to go back to work at afirst shift job - which will be nice but I also have gotten used to having help with my babysitting kids having my friend AND Kenz here during the day - so I am sure the first few days will be trying! But I will move on. I like the idea that I am helping provide for the family!! I know that McKenzie's job will be able to take care of us solely but I want to be able to go back to school and I'd like to be able to pay for that with the money that I am earning myself!<br />
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I have been continuing to think about wanting to try for another baby - I know that right now is not the time to do this! I know that we have decided to wait a little bit, but I still have the desire to do so. I had envisioned a timeline of when my children would be apart age wise and I wanted so badly to keep with that. I wasn't able to necessarily follow it as I'd like because first I had a c-section which messed things up initially and then Elsie got sick - I want Elsie to be able to understand her Diabetes in a certain sense before we have another one. I still have SO much to learn in terms of my next birth and my options and my VBAC rights etc. I am so determined to do everything I can to give birth on my terms.<br />
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I have seen so much around me with loss of pregnancy or potential loss of life of their unborn child. It is terrifying to me that that is even an option - I could NOT imagine losing a child that I grew inside my body - and now for some reason this is a HUGE fear of mine.<br />
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I have SO much on my mind and I want to sleep for like 24 consecutive hours - Goodnight all!!<br />
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Til later,<br />
Sarah Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-74341342816000412842014-02-14T07:54:00.001-08:002014-02-14T07:54:36.570-08:00Day 45:So a little change of pace here for our family. It has been a decision in making and its been a long stressful discussion. BUT we've decided to wait at least another year before we have another baby. We feel this is the best decision for our family. Elsie is new on this pump and we want to make sure to have a good grasp on it - I also would like Elsie to understand more what being a big sister means. We just want to enjoy our family of three for a little bit longer. I think that this decision has made me realize that I have healed from my traumatic birth experience and I am okay with the fact that I didn't have a vaginal birth and I'm no longer in a hurry to prove that I can have a vaginal birth. I know I'll have my VBAC with our next child but I don't need to be selfish with my own desires and make that happen right now! I want a bigger family and so does McKenzie but right now is just not the right time to make that happen.<br />
<br />
There have been several "signs" if you will, that have helped make this decision and I think we tried to overlook them because we wanted to badly to have another one. But time is our friend and time will only better prepare our family, my body, and my mind to have a better birth next time around.<br />
<br />
My heart has been sad for the last week or so... Someone so dear to me - I will not mention names - has discovered her husband was cheating on her. Worse yet it was with at least one man - possibly more. My heart aches for the heartache she feels. She has a child with him and a house and its so utterly heartbreaking. I cannot imagine cheating on McKenzie - I am so angered by this situation as well because he did communicate his feelings with her before acting on them. I am a strong advocate for communication. I have learned throughout my relationships that communication is the key to a successful marriage or even friendship at that. I never had good communication with previous relationships like I do with McKenzie - and NONE of them were remotely successful. ONE lasted about 3 years but there was little faithfulness involved from my part in that relationship. I just could not imagine sharing the intimacy I share with McKenzie with ANYONE else in the whole world. I have prayed every night for her to find healing in her heart. I know she is so saddened by this as anyone would expect - and I try to help and be there - but I feel I don't do enough. Part of it is I don't know what I should do or shouldn't do. Do I bash her husband and tell her bad things? Do I hug her and reinforce the love they once had? Do I sympathize with her feelings for him still? I've never been in this situation before and I feel I am not handling as a best friend would / should. I have nothing but hatred for her husband - he has personally attacked me and McKenzie recently - so sympathizing would be hard for me to do.<br />
<br />
On a happier note my best friend Britt got engaged to Micah on Tuesday! So exciting. This will be the first wedding I've ever been in (other than as a flower girl) and Elsie will be her flower girl!! How exciting!!! Our whole family of three will be in this wedding!! I am beyond happy and excited for her to marry the man of her dreams!! Micah being one of our best friends too its absolutely amazing to know them both so well and to see them share this excitement and this new page in their book its amazing!! I cannot wait to celebrate this day with her!! She deserves this so much!! YAY Britt!!<br />
<br />
Well I supposed that is all that is on my mind. Today is Valentines Day! I made 18 homemade valentine cards for McKenzie and have placed them in random spots all over the house!! Hope she likes it!!<br />
<br />
Til Later,<br />
SarahAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-30044399949909034502014-01-30T19:35:00.001-08:002014-01-30T19:35:26.253-08:00Day 44: Insulin Pumping BeginsToday we had our first insulin pump training! We have tubing all hooked up on our little baby girl just no insulin going just yet. We are letting her get used to the pump while we get used<span style="text-align: center;"> </span><span style="text-align: center;">to it too! We'll be injecting until next week when we hook up the actual pump with insulin to her. She's such a trooper and hasn't even made a fuss about it yet. </span><br />
<br />
My mom visited this morning and we hung out before the appointment. Elsie loves her so much! I love seeing the two of them interact its heart warming!! Won't see my mom again this weekend due to weather! I'm so sick of this weather! Kenz will probably be off work late tomorrow and its going to suck but then its the weekend again! Yay! Hoping for some things to work out coming up soon!<br />
<br />
Also I am not doing insanity anymore - I'm going to try twice a week to do it but now I'm watching a 9 month old girl and its just not feasible!!! Too much going on for that to be happening! Not 100% necessary for me right now!!!<br />
<br />
Off to bed I go trying to wean the bottle for Elsie starting tonight hopefully just water by next week... keep fingers crossed!!!!<br />
<br />
Til Later<br />
Sarah<br />
<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-76796164603426860522014-01-06T07:21:00.004-08:002014-01-06T07:21:58.222-08:00Day 43:Today starts a new year for me. I am going to be working out with the Insanity program for 2-3 months. I want to do this to better myself both physically and mentally. I want to be a better role model for Elsie and I want to have her look up to me in terms of fitness and eating habits! Its so important for her to get good nutrition. I cannot wait to do this. Now with that being said I haven't actually done an exercise yet. SO this whole positive outlook may change after today. But I have a really good feeling about this workout thing. I also want to have a happy and healthy life and pregnancy next time I am pregnant and I need to have a positive and healthy lifestyle before I am ready to dive into another pregnancy. <br />
<br />
We put in an insurance request for Elsie's insulin pump. We are so excited have her on a pump and we'll get much better blood sugar and insulin control with the pump. She is having great blood sugars right now but a pump will only better our control over her sugars and being able to give small amounts of insulin to better control the ups and downs. Shes such a trooper and she'll be able to push through anything.<br />
<br />
I took before pictures yesterday. Hopefully I will be able to see a difference in my body. Not sure if this is stupid to partake in this when I know that I am going to become pregnant again soon - and all this work on my body may be ruined with the pregnancy - but my doctor told me that anything you did before pregnancy is safe to do during pregnancy. I plan on trying to keep this workout going throughout the next pregnancy, or at least the best I can that is.<br />
<br />
Kenz and I had a nice date the other night. My mom watched Elsie and we went to Friday's and got ice cream - it was awesome. Sometimes its nice to get away even just for a little bit to keep our sanity. Elsie is an amazing girl and we are SO lucky to have the daughter we have she is almost always in a great mood - but sometimes we need a break from her so we remember we are adults and not little kids like her. McKenzie has been off work for almost three weeks now and its been awesome to have her here with me and Elsie. I am so happy for the times I have with Elsie and McKenzie. Its going to be so hard when she goes back to work. I will miss her so much and I know Elsie will too!!<br />
<br />
Well we are watching some Netflix documentaries now and its close to my favorite thing to do ever!! Happy new year and happy new me!!<br />
<br />
Til Later<br />
Sarah<br />
<br />
here are my before Insanity pictures<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-89173110798445520012013-12-09T19:39:00.000-08:002013-12-09T19:39:05.684-08:00Day: 42<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Okay so things have been put into a whole new perspective!
We had fed Elsie around 3:30pm and
gave insulin etc for it. But she was hungry about two hours later. We had
thought we couldn’t give insulin for 3-4 hours after it was given last. So we
called our diabetic educator to get some help. But we didn’t hear back right
away so we just did what we thought we were supposed to do. WELL she called us
about 30 mins after we gave her insulin 3.5 hours after we gave it to her
before, well she manages to tell us that we should only correct her sugar if it
has been between 3.5 and 4.5 hours since we last corrected blood sugar! HOWEVER
we are supposed to give insulin for carbs EVERY TIME she eats something! This
means that she doesn’t need to necessarily eat three set meals a day. ANYTIME
she eats food we count carbs and if its not enough to cover for (at least .35
units) then we fix it next time we correct her sugar. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sure I’ve lost everyone at this point. However this
makes so much sense to me and Kenz. This news was so liberating! This seriously
opens up so many more opportunities. I can seriously regulate this blood sugar
knowing this! I cannot believe we were not told this before now. This is
ridiculous! I cannot believe that this AMAZING piece of information was allowed
to slip through the cracks! This is how I now know how to be a pancreas! I am
pissed that we didn’t know this until then. I cannot wait for tomorrow!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Its going to be awesome! December 18<sup>th</sup>
we are going to have another appointment with Dr. Riggs. I called Noreen today
to let her know we’d like to talk about pumps with him. She was all for it!
Having an insulin pump will seriously make our lives SO much better! I cannot
wait for the moment!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So Kenz and I have still been talking about having baby #2
even with all this drama! Its always been something that we want for our family
and even with a 5% chance of baby number two having diabetes but it isn’t like
diabetes is a good reason to not have another kid. Lots of people have multiple
kids and a lot of them have kids that are diabetic and some that aren’t. BUT
the more we talk about it the more stressed Kenz gets and me too. I tell Kenz
how important it is to plan plan plan because of the fact that if I have to
have another c-section I WILL need help! I will NOT be able to pick Elsie up
for a least a week without risking some complications. I do not intend on an
c-section at all but I have to plan this pregnancy with that being a factor. I
explained that we need to conceive in either February or March so that baby
would be born on or around McKenzie’s shut down for thanksgiving or Christmas.
If we do not try in the spring then I explained that trying in October would be
our best bet so that baby would be born around July shut down – and Elsie’s birthday
and which is why I would like to try this spring. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BUT I get scared thinking about it. I can handle a pregnancy
no problem but every time I think about getting pregnant I am so excited and
nervous at the same time. I get nervous because I am so much more educated this
time around and I know what I went through the first time is something I am
going to do EVERYTHING to avoid next time around. No induction, no pitocin, no
epidural!! This is possible to be done without these interventions and I trust
my body and I know that I will birth a baby out of my vagina!! Sorry if that’s
TMI. Anyways I think that my fear comes from not knowing what to expect and its
all scary this will be like a first time labor/birth for me so its all new
scary but exciting at the same time!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christmas is right around the corner and with this new idea
of what insulin is really used for its going to be a much better holiday!!
Happy happy happy!! Take care everyone!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Til Later, </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sarah</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-84782642892232408302013-12-05T19:46:00.001-08:002013-12-05T19:47:14.187-08:00Giveaway!!<p dir=ltr>http://www.d-mom.com/</p>
<p dir=ltr>This website is giving away a book for parents with type one diabetic children! With everything going on lately I could use all the thee help I can get!</p>
<p dir=ltr> I'm blogging this to get better chances at winning a free copy of this book....</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-K0RGMzP9n6w/UqFIv3MCUyI/AAAAAAAAF5w/p3XyB-S6pwc/s1600/Kids-First-Diabetes-Second-Book-192x300.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-K0RGMzP9n6w/UqFIv3MCUyI/AAAAAAAAF5w/p3XyB-S6pwc/s640/Kids-First-Diabetes-Second-Book-192x300.jpeg"> </a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-77921069789899503442013-12-03T19:28:00.003-08:002013-12-03T19:28:47.782-08:00Day 41:<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Tonight I am full of thought. I have struggled with this
Diabetes thing like none other lately. I HATE that I have to carefully plan out
each meal, snack, and drink Elsie gets. It is SO hard to try to force a 16
month old to eat 3 or 4 meals a day on a schedule. Some days are better than
others. Some days she’s hungry right when I plan her to be. Some days she’s
hungry but not for what I’ve cooked for her to eat. Some days she just snacks
all day. There is no normal to any given day. I cannot wait for the day when I
have a “normal” day. I know that my normal would be so much different than most
moms with a 16 month old’s day but I can only hope to find my own normal. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some days I feel that I try to take too much control in the
situation. Kenz was off work for 9 days and only cooked calculated and provided
insulin for ONE meal! I know that that is not because she’s not comfortable
doing it or that she doesn’t want to do it. I think it’s partly because I won’t
let her have as much control as I should. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Elsie has been fighting sleep lately as well. She is just so
go go go and doesn’t want to stop! Even for a nap! She’s too busy for sleep.
Night time is usually when I feel most guilty for her. She is usually HIGH at
night around 300 or so and I am not supposed to correct for her sugar at
bedtime and let her “ride high” and let Lantus do its job. Which is easier said
than done. When I have 130 and 200 blood sugars all day (which they want us
between 80-200 so that’s good) and then 300+ at night and usually all night, I
have a hard time not feeling awful! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that high blood sugars cause symptoms and I do not
want Elsie to feel bad while she tries to sleep. She doesn’t seem to be
affected by the high sugars at night but I am just a worried mom and do not
want to cause anymore discomfort for her! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday was an awful day, after having Kenz home for 9
days and she did almost all the housework and stuff it was really hard to get
back into the groove of things and Elsie didn’t take a nap and was so bored
yesterday. I thought I was going to have a nervous break down. Kenz made a
comment about how I am crazy because I want to have more kids. I told Kenz that
some days are going to be more stressful than others with or without a child
with diabetes. She did understand me when I said it like that. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
SO much on my mind…struggling to get it all out of my
head…some things I am scared to say…</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Til later</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sarah</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-54209176769746270112013-12-01T19:10:00.001-08:002013-12-01T19:10:15.962-08:00Day 40:<p dir=ltr>Went to family thanksgivings this week! It was nice seeing everyone. We are always getting the "don't have more kids" speech by a certain individual(s) doesn't make sense to me. We want more kids its something we've discussed long before we had one kid! It irritates me for people to tell me not to "push my luck"? Seriously who says that? </p>
<p dir=ltr>I don't need approval for McKenzie and I to have more kids. Its going to happen. At least one! </p>
<p dir=ltr>I've been researching placenta encapsulation and the benefits on post partum depression etc. I am SERIOUSLY considering this option as I suffered some crazy PPD last time and if it can't hurt me why not try it out...</p>
<p dir=ltr>Elsie is doing so well! Taking to insulin very well! The last two days we've managed her blood sugar very well and trusted insulin.  Which for us was something that has been very difficult to do pretty much up until now! She's growing like crazy and she's really enjoying herself with most everything except restaurants!  Haha! She really hates the constrictions of a restaurant high chair!  But we manage! </p>
<p dir=ltr>Looking forward to Christmas,  Elsie loves the tree and lights!  Can't wait for a couple weeks! To take her through the winding brook neighborhood of lights in Granger! I think she'll really love it this year! </p>
<p dir=ltr>Til later, <br>
<u>Sarah</u></p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-67855632682840956152013-11-05T10:13:00.001-08:002013-11-20T20:33:32.187-08:00Day 39:<p dir=ltr>It is November 20, 2013 we have moved out of our apartment and into a house back in Goshen! We are so happy being in a house we stay home and relax now. We've been struggling with getting this insulin thing down! Its been hard to get it right. I called Noreen this morning and we talked about how once we get something figured out and we are comfortable with it that she'll grow and we'll reconfigure it all over again. </p>
<p dir=ltr>Noreen always reassures me that we  are doing awesome and doing the best we can right now. She's amazing! I just want to do the best for Elsie and make her feel good! </p>
<p dir=ltr>Kenz & I are going to work on our communication... it's hard with a toddler and full-time job and the upkeep of a house to make time for each other. We're going to do more to make sure that we have time together. </p>
<p dir=ltr>Thanksgiving is next week and I'm thankful for so much this thanksgiving. I've never been more happy my entire life! Spending the holidays with friends and family is all I could ask for and a happy healthy family is the cherry on top people! </p>
<p dir=ltr>Happy happy happy!! Today was a good day! <br></p>
<p dir=ltr>Til later,<br>
Sarah<br>
</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-10986331909871567962013-10-02T17:34:00.001-07:002013-10-02T17:45:24.128-07:00Day 38: <p dir=ltr>WARNING : I AM USING THIS BLOG AS A WAY TO VENT OUT FEELINGS TONIGHT... DO NOT TAKE OFFENSE TO THIS THESE ARE MY FEELINGS AND I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FEE WHAT I SAY: </p>
<p dir=ltr>I am so Sick of babysiTting adults! I'm sick of being told how to act around certain people. I am a grOwn ass woman and I will say and do what ever the hell I want to... if there are consequences I will deal with them myself u do not need an army of people to come at me and tell me how I should have handled a situation... it was a freaKing Facebook message that was between two people and it wasn't even a big deal! I made a comment on a picture and was told not to make a blanket for someone when I just offered to and I didn't know and cOuldn't have known that this person was already making a blanket for them... I can't believe I get made into the bad guy because she's an alcoholic and can't handle her emotions! Dell with it it's called life bitch, no one knows how to deal with it! Can't believe people still baby her and coddle her! I'm over it I'm done with it! </p>
<p dir=ltr>Good night people are so petty sometimes! </p>
<p dir=ltr>I'm done! </p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-31894187021057722782013-09-17T19:38:00.001-07:002013-09-17T19:38:06.913-07:00Day 37: <p dir=ltr>Not sure how I feel about doing this but... I read an article about post partum bodies. So much changes after and during pregnancy. This article inspired me to take a picture of MY post partum body. I am not a very confident person - and not at all where I want to be in terms of physical fitness... but I am thankful for my new body. I never would have done this had I not had a baby...<br>
This is my post partum body. The picture doesn't show my c-section scar very much but this is 14 months post partum. I have work to do but most of this will not change... I'm happy to have been the home for my daughter while she developed and stayed comfortably a week past her due date! She developed into a beautiful perfect 7 lbs 13 oz and 20 in long! She had to fit somewhere and my body accommodated for her to the best of its ability! I earned this body and wear it proudly! Sent this picture to my partner McKenzie and she mentioned to me later this evening, why are you sending me sexy pictures while I'm at work. She still thinks this body is sexy and I think even more so after baby! No compliants here! </p>
<p dir=ltr>Please don't judge me if you don't like what you see, don't look at it, this took a lot of courage to post and I feel it's part of the healing process. I've come to embrace my body something I've NEVER really done and I'm happy to have this confidence!</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-9zL7gzA3BvU/UjkSCzh9WXI/AAAAAAAABy8/KA6pLLFX8yk/s1600/20130916_221713-1-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-9zL7gzA3BvU/UjkSCzh9WXI/AAAAAAAABy8/KA6pLLFX8yk/s640/20130916_221713-1-1.jpg"> </a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-10962746298098027982013-09-15T19:13:00.001-07:002013-09-15T19:25:22.545-07:00Day 36: JDRF Walk for a Cure<p dir=ltr>Today was our first juvenile diabetes research foundation walk for a cure event. This was the first of many. We will be dedicated to raising money for our sweet baby to someday have a cure from this disease. We had about 20 our so people on our team and we walked two miles in Mishawaka it was wonderful! Weather was chilly but not too cold, it did sprinkle a bit and started raining at the end. Everyone was mingling with each other and it wasn't uncomfortable for anyone! Couldn't have been more happy! My shirts looked great and we had so many compliments on them! Elsie loved the attention! I love how social she is, she doesn't shy away too much! Everyone that loves her and everyone she loves was there for her! </p>
<p dir=ltr>I am saying her shirt from this year and every year... I talked about making a t shirt quilt for her when she's older of all the walk shirts we get! It made me cry because I'm sure we'll walk with this for the rest of our lives! As hopeful as I am for a cure, the reality is hard to swallow! </p>
<p dir=ltr>So thankful for my beautiful baby and for medicine for saving her life and continuing to do so everyday! Without the advancements in medicine I couldn't kiss my baby goodnight anymore! </p>
<p dir=ltr>Feeling thankful, and emotional tonight... the love and support for our family and our daughter is incredible! Life is good! </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Cxa1ZKsr1Qs/UjZriSXeBwI/AAAAAAAAByM/PKFdhfn3ONE/s1600/Elsie%252527s%252520Herd.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Cxa1ZKsr1Qs/UjZriSXeBwI/AAAAAAAAByM/PKFdhfn3ONE/s640/Elsie%252527s%252520Herd.JPG"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-h08-b0rUpP0/UjZsDFcNZNI/AAAAAAAAByU/3WHKF50FTIo/s1600/IMG_130237514486123.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-h08-b0rUpP0/UjZsDFcNZNI/AAAAAAAAByU/3WHKF50FTIo/s640/IMG_130237514486123.jpeg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-DNNjJqOA6Oo/UjZsDsUxmSI/AAAAAAAAByc/9Quj_gmBnAw/s1600/IMG_130216933440793.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-DNNjJqOA6Oo/UjZsDsUxmSI/AAAAAAAAByc/9Quj_gmBnAw/s640/IMG_130216933440793.jpeg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-fhB6Z_WbwAA/UjZsEFkqqfI/AAAAAAAAByk/CGtww5nczLo/s1600/IMG_130203965883951.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-fhB6Z_WbwAA/UjZsEFkqqfI/AAAAAAAAByk/CGtww5nczLo/s640/IMG_130203965883951.jpeg"> </a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-35199770797284695142013-09-02T20:00:00.001-07:002013-09-09T19:24:36.261-07:00Day 35:<p>Elsie is coming out of this honeymoon phase she's been in lately, her sugars have been higher than they were, and she's still super sensitive to insulin. So it's difficult to give her what she needs and to keep her within range... But we're doing our best! </p><p>We go see Noreen tomorrow, so many things to talk about. I need to make a list so I don't forget. Kenz may not be out of work on time. She's been working her ass off. Its been rough for me too, I miss her and I need some me time. I try to stay up after Elsie and kenz go to bed but I'm tired too and its hard to relax without falling asleep and I have to get up 4 hours after I put Elsie to bed to check her sugar so it doesn't really make me want to stay up. I know I need to be more understanding of how tired and overworked she is. Somedays are worse than others. She's been pretty high lately and I feel as if I'm not doing a great job in terms of "controlling" her diabetes. I just don't trust the insulin her body is too sensitive to it and it drops her sugar so quickly I don't feel right giving it to her.</p><p>My chest hurts right now because I am so worried about Elsie. Her sugar was so high before bed and I know she doesn't feel good, and I just don't know how to make her feel better. Its nights like this I just hold her and pray with her in my arms, that any suffering she may feel will go away when she slips into a deep sleep. I am so scared for her when she's older to feel sick from her sugar. I hope science continues as it has and we get more and more advanced treatments to care for our sweet little lady. </p><p>We've been spending a lot of time with my family and have been talking about moving up there to Grand Rapids. It would be amazing to live closer to our biggest support system. I fear that the move would only further our relationship with McKenzie's family. At least I know my family will travel to see us, McKenzie's family on the other hand would not travel to see us, and it breaks my heart that thatbis our reality. I can't even get McKenzie's dad to buy shirts for the diabetes walk were doing. Such bull that I have to bribe and pull strings just to even get them to attend the walk </p><p>Anyway! I am not going to start getting into all that! </p><p>Been talking about baby #2 as well. Maybe in the spring. We'll be caught up with finances for sure, and we'll have had almost a year with the diabetes to see how comfortable we are. If its not "smooth" by then I think we're going to wait another year. We want to be ready and we want Elsie to understand what's going on. its a big decision obviously, and a lot of talk and planning will and has gone into it because of the diabetes VBAC etc, its not a small thing to decide on.</p><p>Goodnight to all. This mama's going to bed!</p><p><br></p><p>Til Later</p><p>Sarah </p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-gq--SefRKlQ/UiVQjD74xDI/AAAAAAAABu4/npvGjyO5uI4/s1600/IMG_30512557997922.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-gq--SefRKlQ/UiVQjD74xDI/AAAAAAAABu4/npvGjyO5uI4/s640/IMG_30512557997922.jpeg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-tCzghwMp6XQ/UiVQsOuRs9I/AAAAAAAABvI/ZLkRKsDUncU/s1600/IMG_20130902_224246.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-tCzghwMp6XQ/UiVQsOuRs9I/AAAAAAAABvI/ZLkRKsDUncU/s640/IMG_20130902_224246.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-A3AAR6DDbuc/UiVQyriif4I/AAAAAAAABvQ/pLMbBqc4h9s/s1600/IMG_20130831_183146.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-A3AAR6DDbuc/UiVQyriif4I/AAAAAAAABvQ/pLMbBqc4h9s/s640/IMG_20130831_183146.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-moj4C3m4Xj0/UiVQ4zI-aNI/AAAAAAAABvY/X79zaWwS2SM/s1600/IMG_20130831_170113.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-moj4C3m4Xj0/UiVQ4zI-aNI/AAAAAAAABvY/X79zaWwS2SM/s640/IMG_20130831_170113.jpg"> </a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-28470937949357965212013-08-06T18:16:00.001-07:002013-08-06T18:47:23.790-07:00Day 34:<p>I am struggling recently. Things then getting more normal I guess. But I just feel so stressed out. I don't get much of a break. McKenzie work 5 days a week I let her sleep Friday night so that means I have Saturday night off. But I really don't have the night off I hear the monitor and I'm up until McKenzie comes back to bed. I don't think I ever actually get into a sleep state and it's getting pretty frustrating. I just never feel like I actually get enough sleep for all of the work I do all the worry I do and it seems to be a constant argument between McKenzie and I. And I know she's going through a transition right now she's working full time 5 days a week and she's going from staying home to doing that and supporting our entire family and being the sole provider. And I know how stressful that can be. I feel for her and I'm always there to support her. She's doing amazing! I an so proud of her, she works her ass off to support us and I'll always be thankful for that. </p>
<p>This journey has been quite the trip for me... I've been up and down and up again... I feel very stressed out and I know that that's a normal feeling. I know I should want a break but I'm scared! I take care of Elsie right now and I feel like no one else can do it like me... I know others can do it but it's a control thing. It felt like my life went out of control when I had Elsie and pushing for the things I wanted was my way to control things. Now my life went out of control again when she got diabetes and taking care of her is my way to keep things under control...</p>
<p>Til Later<br>
Sarah</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-3521705520427046452013-07-31T08:20:00.001-07:002013-07-31T08:20:07.174-07:00Day 33: <p>Its been about 2 or 3 weeks now since Elsie's  been diagnosed with diabetes. Calm down quite a bit. Still getting used to how she acts when she's high or low. She's in the honeymoon phase right now. Which means that since we gave her pancreas a break, its been able to perk up a little bit and give more insulin than it used to. So we haven't had to give her much insulin ourselves which this all will change when she gets bigger and she grows more. So far so good though we're working really good together communicating really well together. I'm in the process of applying for disability or some sort of financial assistance to help us with the expenses. Her medications and supplies cost over $1000 a month. We're also going to be walking in the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation walk for a cure on September 15th of this year. Our website you can go to is http://www2.jdrf.org/goto/elsiestelle  I'm the site you can join our team you don't have to donate any money but if you like to walk with us you can join your team or contact me at slhh1986@Gmail.com we would love to have as many supporters as we could  you may feel free to donate money it's not necessary but just to show support would be awesome. I'm trying to get in touch with a company that will make t shirts for us to wear and the proceeds from the shirt would actually help Mackenzie and I to afford more things. </p>
<p>So needless to say we're continuing on struggling to get used to things but it's coming along very slowly I guess Elsie's  doing very well. Thank you for support and sorry I haven't been on here much!</p>
<p>til later<br>
Sarah</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-IeSdb191jso/UfkrF0tchpI/AAAAAAAAAL8/6TLUxXAyC-w/s1600/IMG_20130728_220143.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-IeSdb191jso/UfkrF0tchpI/AAAAAAAAAL8/6TLUxXAyC-w/s640/IMG_20130728_220143.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-o-CBSIGqP74/UfkrI-8L1nI/AAAAAAAAAME/RFhSbTjEbys/s1600/IMG_20130722_112902.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-o-CBSIGqP74/UfkrI-8L1nI/AAAAAAAAAME/RFhSbTjEbys/s640/IMG_20130722_112902.jpg"> </a> </div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-84506311971168430112013-07-12T01:49:00.001-07:002013-07-12T01:49:36.111-07:00Day 32: Diabetes<p>Elsie  has not been herself lately. She'd been vomiting and being quite lethargic. We brought her to the emergency room Thursday July 11th. They took some blood took a urine sample and we sat.. Then they came in and told us they were starting an IV because her sugar was high and they needed to lower it. Normal blood sugar is between 70 and 110. Hers was 453. She was in diabetic ketoacidosis. She has type 1 diabetes.</p>
<p>They told us they needed to transfer her to another hospital...either South bend or Indianapolis. Luckily they got us in at south bend. My mom came down and Kenz's dad came to the er in goshen. They hooked her up to machines and ivs and she was so scared.</p>
<p>She'll suffer from this for the rest of her life..i wish i could take all this onto myself and take it from her. </p>
<p>My mom is here thank God! Kenz and i need her so much! She apologized to me tonight for how she reacted to my pregnancy. I've never held that against her.it was a shock to everyone... I wouldn't be the woman and mother i am today without my mother. </p>
<p>One year ago today i was in the hospital waiting to meet this beautiful little girl. It was one of the scariest days of my life...and the anniversary hasn't proved any different...July 12 is NOT my day! </p>
<p>I'm terrified, I'm sad, but also relieved that we caught it before anything crazy happened..she could have gone onto a coma or had seizures. </p>
<p>There are so many questions that I'll probably never have answers to. I we have so much to learn. She'll need a good amount of medical attention and help taking care of herself for the rest of her life.</p>
<p>McKenzie and i have talked briefly but we're thinking Elsie will be an only child. I will give up my desire to birth vaginally to take the fear possible care of my daughter. </p>
<p>I'm holding her in my arms she's resting peacefully. They'll be in shortly to poke her again...</p>
<p>Her sugars are down to a controlled level...happy birthday Elsie..I'm so sorry my little munchkin!</p>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-10711215069981102742013-07-07T20:45:00.001-07:002013-07-07T20:45:54.347-07:00Day 31:Yesterday was July 6th - my due date last year! I remember that day so well!! I cannot believe it's going to be a year Saturday! Crazy!! I am so proud of the little lady Elsie has become!<div><br></div><div>Mckenzie and I are trying to work in some things... Nothing too serious but we basically need to appreciate each other more than we do. We love each other so much but stressful things happen and we're both working in different roles now... Things are just flip flopped and we need to learn to appreciate what we do for each other etc. </div><div><br></div><div>Planning Elsie's birthday party is stressful! I am making Elsie's cake and I'm scared that it will not turn out! I know my cupcakes will be fine and people will love them! But I'm scared I'll mess up her cake and I really really really want to impress people!! </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-lRmd3-RYt5Y/Udo18NnZhzI/AAAAAAAAALc/7-dyzEIkxY0/s640/blogger-image-1323295434.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-lRmd3-RYt5Y/Udo18NnZhzI/AAAAAAAAALc/7-dyzEIkxY0/s640/blogger-image-1323295434.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div>Got some vitamin E Oil and I'm trying to reduce the appearance of my stretch marks!! I have a ton on my belly love handles thighs and butt!! It's crazy!! I want to definitely be more active with my next pregnancy. I hope that Kenz will want more than two! We'll see how this next birth goes and I'm sure that will determine whether or not we'll try for a 3rd!! I want to get into couponing so that I can save us so much money that kids will not be an issue when it comes to money!! </div><div><br></div><div>Mamas tired!! But I felt it was appropriate to update a little information!!</div><div><br></div><div>Til later!</div><div>Sarah </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-A0uGigauyvk/Udo16BlJ5JI/AAAAAAAAALU/o-cUV5c2w0o/s640/blogger-image--1243756360.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-A0uGigauyvk/Udo16BlJ5JI/AAAAAAAAALU/o-cUV5c2w0o/s640/blogger-image--1243756360.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-88879269227782713632013-05-21T13:27:00.001-07:002013-05-21T13:27:46.486-07:00Day 29: 10 months!!I cannot believe it has been 10 months since Elsie was born!!! Crazy how fast time flew by!! I mean I'm already planning her first birthday party!!! Ahh!!! <br />
<br />
So things have changed dramatically since I've written last. I lost my job at he hospital... I'm not going to elaborate on the reason... There really wasn't one but to them to say "not a good fit" whatever that means. I'm obviously heartbroken!! I tried for 4+ years to get into that hospital and now I'll probably never have a change of getting back in!! I'm super bummed out!! I'm trying to see this as a sign that that wasn't where I was supposed to be. I think that I'm going to get my CNA if I can get into some free classes and get into Elkhart General hospital. We'll see where that takes me. In the mean time I'm actively looking for a job... Trying not to stress out too much... Enjoying this time with Elsie and McKenzie. <br />
<br />
My family has been crazy supportive since I lost my job! It's been very helpful!! <br />
<br />
Tonight we did the "cry it out" method with Elsie. It was super hard to do but wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. She fell asleep rather quickly... I suppose she was quite worn out. Poor thing! She has 2 teeth now!! This little guys took what seemed like forever to come in!! They are so cute though!! She's growing up so fast...<br />
<br />
I'm anxious about her birthday. I'm scared to feel the crazy slew of emotions I felt a year ago that day. I know I'll be so busy that day and I doubt I'll think about it but I'm scared none the less. I just really hope that it doesn't bring up all those feelings again... <br />
<br />
I'm also anxious to stop breastfeeding Elsie. It's such an amazing connection that I share with her...as annoying as pumping is... And I'll be ready to be done for sure... I know a part of me will miss is like crazy!! <br />
<br />
Super late moms over for the night... Couldn't sleep had to get some stuff out... Super excited for a day with grandma tomorrow!!! YAY!!! <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9IJrUEGgupo/UZcWWq-qoEI/AAAAAAAAAJw/0pUTnt7T8R8/s640/blogger-image--1794775322.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9IJrUEGgupo/UZcWWq-qoEI/AAAAAAAAAJw/0pUTnt7T8R8/s640/blogger-image--1794775322.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-nvebWdzFn60/UZcWY4_NprI/AAAAAAAAAJ4/z-P-_nmIsxI/s640/blogger-image-1639409246.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-nvebWdzFn60/UZcWY4_NprI/AAAAAAAAAJ4/z-P-_nmIsxI/s640/blogger-image-1639409246.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-qyEVg4snFqs/UZvYqOBw92I/AAAAAAAAAKQ/dEclzfzcy7I/s640/blogger-image--1028745312.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-qyEVg4snFqs/UZvYqOBw92I/AAAAAAAAAKQ/dEclzfzcy7I/s640/blogger-image--1028745312.jpg" /></a></div> <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-ZNKV1B4qKDk/UZvYvxGOzGI/AAAAAAAAAKY/gMwg4gg3j0A/s640/blogger-image-2138661481.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-ZNKV1B4qKDk/UZvYvxGOzGI/AAAAAAAAAKY/gMwg4gg3j0A/s640/blogger-image-2138661481.jpg" /></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6628653420277004968.post-4401169144119936822013-05-21T13:26:00.001-07:002013-06-25T19:29:24.238-07:00Day 30:Broken... That's a word I can't seem to get out of my head right now...I've been struggling so much lately again with the c-section. There are many reasons I can think of as to why these thoughts are back in my head. 1- McKenzie and I have been talking about having another baby - not soon but just been talking about the idea of a second baby- and so I've been kinda reliving the labor and birth of Elsie... Doing a lot of what ifs and maybe I shouldn't have done this etc. 2 - because of the talking about another baby I've been researching VBACs and the pros and cons of VBACs vs RCSs. 3 - it's almost Elsie's one year birthday! And the 1 year anniversary of my traumatic birth experience. 4 - my cousin Jennifer was getting ready to and just had her baby on June 20th. And OF COURSE she had a vaginal birth!! I am SO happy for her!! I am jealous of her birth experience!! they've tried forever to get pregnant and i am so happy for her to be a mom! its seriously the best thing ever! Everyone I know I feel like gets to and Ie am not sure what I did so wrong to be stripped of that!! <div><br></div><div>I've done a lot of research on VBACs and I will be doing hypnobabies for VBAC birth. I will also be hiring a doula - if you know of any good ones in elkhart, hit me up! - there are a lot of things I am going to do different to prepare. I think the most important is having a doctor I trust!! </div><div><br></div><div>ANYWAY!!! Elsie is almost one!! Oh my goodness!! So I was working at a bakery but Kenz got a job at keystone rv company and so I get to stay home!! YAY!!! I have told mckenzie so many times already that it means so much to me and I don't think I'll ever get to thank her for all she's doing for us!! For our family!! It's amazing of her to make this step!! I am SO proud of her!! </div><div><br></div><div>So far staying at home has been awesome!! I love it. I know I don't clean nearly as much as Kenz did but I'll get the hang of it and be better!! I have to find my groove!! </div><div><br></div><div>Well Elsie's down for the night (finally) and I should get moving to bed here soon!! </div><div><br></div><div>Til later</div><div>Sarah</div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-efludb5VxMc/UcpRU09PDQI/AAAAAAAAAK4/GC5t_wHwvMg/s640/blogger-image--1060763174.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-efludb5VxMc/UcpRU09PDQI/AAAAAAAAAK4/GC5t_wHwvMg/s640/blogger-image--1060763174.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-fIEQh9j5hi8/UcpRYNqKOiI/AAAAAAAAALA/CpnXUlsrL6o/s640/blogger-image-551267859.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-fIEQh9j5hi8/UcpRYNqKOiI/AAAAAAAAALA/CpnXUlsrL6o/s640/blogger-image-551267859.jpg"></a></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-VSqBtw7G2uQ/UcpRQKpv6fI/AAAAAAAAAKw/IvGCurftP90/s640/blogger-image-2018882135.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-VSqBtw7G2uQ/UcpRQKpv6fI/AAAAAAAAAKw/IvGCurftP90/s640/blogger-image-2018882135.jpg"></a></div>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05884897489129761306noreply@blogger.com0