Elsie is coming out of this honeymoon phase she's been in lately, her sugars have been higher than they were, and she's still super sensitive to insulin. So it's difficult to give her what she needs and to keep her within range... But we're doing our best!
We go see Noreen tomorrow, so many things to talk about. I need to make a list so I don't forget. Kenz may not be out of work on time. She's been working her ass off. Its been rough for me too, I miss her and I need some me time. I try to stay up after Elsie and kenz go to bed but I'm tired too and its hard to relax without falling asleep and I have to get up 4 hours after I put Elsie to bed to check her sugar so it doesn't really make me want to stay up. I know I need to be more understanding of how tired and overworked she is. Somedays are worse than others. She's been pretty high lately and I feel as if I'm not doing a great job in terms of "controlling" her diabetes. I just don't trust the insulin her body is too sensitive to it and it drops her sugar so quickly I don't feel right giving it to her.
My chest hurts right now because I am so worried about Elsie. Her sugar was so high before bed and I know she doesn't feel good, and I just don't know how to make her feel better. Its nights like this I just hold her and pray with her in my arms, that any suffering she may feel will go away when she slips into a deep sleep. I am so scared for her when she's older to feel sick from her sugar. I hope science continues as it has and we get more and more advanced treatments to care for our sweet little lady.
We've been spending a lot of time with my family and have been talking about moving up there to Grand Rapids. It would be amazing to live closer to our biggest support system. I fear that the move would only further our relationship with McKenzie's family. At least I know my family will travel to see us, McKenzie's family on the other hand would not travel to see us, and it breaks my heart that thatbis our reality. I can't even get McKenzie's dad to buy shirts for the diabetes walk were doing. Such bull that I have to bribe and pull strings just to even get them to attend the walk
Anyway! I am not going to start getting into all that!
Been talking about baby #2 as well. Maybe in the spring. We'll be caught up with finances for sure, and we'll have had almost a year with the diabetes to see how comfortable we are. If its not "smooth" by then I think we're going to wait another year. We want to be ready and we want Elsie to understand what's going on. its a big decision obviously, and a lot of talk and planning will and has gone into it because of the diabetes VBAC etc, its not a small thing to decide on.
Goodnight to all. This mama's going to bed!
Til Later
Sarah
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