Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Day 34:

I am struggling recently. Things then getting more normal I guess. But I just feel so stressed out. I don't get much of a break. McKenzie work 5 days a week I let her sleep Friday night so that means I have Saturday night off. But I really don't have the night off I hear the monitor and I'm up until McKenzie comes back to bed. I don't think I ever actually get into a sleep state and it's getting pretty frustrating. I just never feel like I actually get enough sleep for all of the work I do all the worry I do and it seems to be a constant argument between McKenzie and I. And I know she's going through a transition right now she's working full time 5 days a week and she's going from staying home to doing that and supporting our entire family and being the sole provider. And I know how stressful that can be. I feel for her and I'm always there to support her. She's doing amazing! I an so proud of her, she works her ass off to support us and I'll always be thankful for that.

This journey has been quite the trip for me... I've been up and down and up again... I feel very stressed out and I know that that's a normal feeling. I know I should want a break but I'm scared! I take care of Elsie right now and I feel like no one else can do it like me... I know others can do it but it's a control thing. It felt like my life went out of control when I had Elsie and pushing for the things I wanted was my way to control things. Now my life went out of control again when she got diabetes and taking care of her is my way to keep things under control...

Til Later

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