Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Day 25:

So much on my mind tonight!! That friend of mine that was expecting a baby and they knew she was going to be sick and they weren't sure if the baby would be able to breathe on her own. Well she was born today and was crying as she was born!! She is breathing on her own!! How awesome!! I've prayed so hard for this little lady to be okay!! So happy for them!!

We got Elsie's 6 month pictures done today!! She smiled so awesome for them!!! We got so many cute poses!! She's amazing!! There was even one point where she was creating her own poses besides the one the photographer put her in!! She called her a super model!! Aww hers is!!!

So what's on my mind on a much unhappier note is my guilt from my past ad how it will effect my future!! I had struggled with self harm from when I was about 13-18 and again a few winters ago! But I fear for the day that Elsie asks me what the scars are from, should I be honest with her? If I do will it give he the idea to do it too? Will it show her that that is a healthy coping skill for her? I'm so scared and co fused!! I know I don't really need to worry about this right now, but at some point I will!! Ugh!!

Kathan family Christmas is this weekend (my moms side) we're having it on the 9 year anniversary of my grandma Stella's (the woman who started it all!) death! I still remember that night!! We came home from San Diego and our flights were delayed and everything! It took us forever to get there and they were waiting for us to get there to take her off of the ventilation!! I remember having Tom pick me up!! I was so crushed by her death!! She meant the world to me!! I wish she could have been here to meet Elsie!! She would have just loved her!! And Elsie would have LOVED grandma Stella!! Makes me so sad to honk its been 9 years now! Crazy how much changes and how much happens in 9 years!!

My hand are like sand paper right now! From all this hand washing I do at work!! I'm very psycho about washing them so that I do not bring anything home to Elsie!! I would feel absolutely awful of I got Elsie sick from something at work because that is TOTALLY preventable!! Well now my lunch is about over I need to get back out on the floor!!

Wish us safe travels to Michigan either Friday night or Saturday morning. Depending on weather.

Til later

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