Day 52: Birth Story Of Veda Diane Hunt

Well worrying aside - I started timing contractions Friday March 27th at 4:00pm - every 3-5 minutes, not getting any stronger but not going away - so we call my mom and go walking around at the mall. I am sure they would end when I started walking. They didn't end and got even stronger once Elsie went to bed. So we notified Dr and Doula about what was happening. Well Friday night was NO JOKE they were crazy every 5 or 7 minutes and lasting a good 45 seconds to a minute each one. So I knew I needed rest for this so I tried to sleep - when I went to bed Friday night I had lost some of my mucous plug and I was so excited my body was working how it was supposed to.

Saturday was a different story - as I couldn't sleep through the night the contractions were at times regular and they increased throughout the day. Saturday morning our Doula came and gave us some essential oils and helped us with the miles circuit and we hid away in our bedroom because I couldn't turn off Mommy mode when Elsie was by me and couldn't labor effectively. When Elsie went to bed Saturday it was ON - my contractions were almost back to back and I was crying through them. I was experiencing very sharp pains when baby moved in between contractions. I began to get concerned. We called our doctor and he wanted us to come to the hospital to get checked to see where we were and see if we should be admitted or not. I was not dilated OR effaced at all after over 24 hours of consistent contractions.

I felt defeated. I took the ambien offered at the hospital and went home crushed... I was laboring but my body wasn't complying with the contractions and doing anything. So I contracted every three minutes all night Saturday night.

When I woke up Sunday morning I had a sense of peace I hadn't felt this entire pregnancy. I knew that my baby wanted to be born and I wanted to feel some sort of control and peace with this birth. I knew that if I continued contracting like this - it could be two weeks before we would even do an induction and I wanted to avoid that. I knew where this labor was going - I knew it would end up requiring an emergency cesearan and I did not want to be traumatized again, I wanted a peaceful birth. I called my doctor and said "what if I don't want to do a VBAC anymore, is that ok?" and he said "whatever decision you make is the right decision, sarah" So I told him I wanted to schedule the section - I was in labor and I would labor until they could schedule me.

I knew what this entailed. I knew that the doctor who cut me open the first time may be the doctor to do it again (as my doctor was family practice so he did not do C-sections only assisted with them). He knew my fears and distrust associated with that doctor and somehow worked his magic and was able to get me into the hospital THAT day. He asked the female surgeon in their group to squeeze me in on a Sunday afternoon. I could not have been more thankful for him being able to keep my birth plan wishes (to keep Dr. S out of my delivery room at all costs)

We headed up to the hospital around 10am - and we waited around and I continued to have contractions. The surgeon came in to talk to me and asked if she could check my cervix to make sure that I wasn't indeed dilating at all. She mentioned how intense these contractions were and she knew how badly I wanted a VBAC so she wanted to give me that option as much as possible. Which I 100% respected and appreciated. I allowed her to check me and I was still high and closed. We were waiting for the anesthesiologist to come to begin the spinal block so we could do surgery but he was still in surgery. So we were going to give me some medication to stop the contractions since they were not helping anything since I had decided on a gentle cesarean.

We were told the anetsthesiologist was ready and so we were ready to go to surgery. They gave me the option to stay in the bed and be wheeled into the OR or I could walk. I decided to walk.

This is the moment that changed it all!! Walking into that OR was my moment - I OWNED this birth I was birthing under my terms I knew my options - I knew my choices and I made each and every decision myself. This was my healing birth...

It was a slow process, the spinal was started and my legs went from FREEZING to warm - and they laid me back onto my back - I started to lose my breath and I felt my face get HOT and it felt like a panic attack was creeping on me - once that blue curtain was put up. I went to a dark place, I went to the trauma of Elsie's birth. I started to panic - I was so scared but I couldn't talk... I closed my eyes and I was SO tired from the no sleep I'd been getting from the last few days. I was worried immediately that I since I felt so tired and relaxed that I would sleep through this birth and I was so worried!! Just then I felt my mom touch my face and all the fear left my body and I was SO excited and ready to meet my baby!!

It was wonderful and not nearly as rushed as it was with Elsie (obviously because this was not an emergency) and I heard her cry, then Doctor Nush said "is Veda a boy name too?" and I said "Oh My God is it a boy?!?" it was not she was very much a girl but he knew how different my pregnancy was from Elsie's and he knew I was not convinced that it was a girl since I didn't hear it form the sonographer and only was told from my mother! So he was trying to be funny - some of the nurses looked at me like "oh my did he just do that?" but if they knew the background of our relationship with this doctor they would not be surprised at all!!

So she was born - crying and peeing as she came out!! She was born at 1:41pm on March 29, 2015 - She weighed 7lbs 5.4oz 19.75inches long. She was smaller than her sister and everyone thought I was bigger this time around!! She was SO tiny & had such small features. Small ears, small fingers, tiny little feet!! She was placed on my chest after she was looked over and she got immediate skin to skin while they were sewing me up & she rooted to my breast and was able to breastfeed on the OR table too!! This became the most amazing healing birth - and I didn't think this was possible without a vaginal birth!

Life as we knew it was going to change forever & I never knew how much love I could feel in my heart!!

Day 51: This flew by!!

I noticed this blog was supposed to be names "halfway" I am BEYOND halfway at this point. We learned in November we would be adding a girl to the family Veda Diane was set to arrive sometime around her due date of March 29, 2015.

We hired Star, our doula, to help us prepare for this VBAC journey and she was amazing!! She provided me with additional information to help us know our options etc.

I failed my one hour glucose test, but passed the 3 hour thankfully so no Gestational Diabetes. Then find out that I was GBS+ - I began to get discouraged I did not want to have to have an IV at all - I wanted to stay home and labor as long as possible. Now I find out I am at a higher risk for PROM and I have to have antibiotics via IV every 8 hours during active labor.

February 24th I fell on the ice. Our carbon monoxide detector went off in the house so I called the fire department and they told me to leave the house and wait for them to get there - WELL it was like 8 degrees outside so I was going to go into the garage and I took one step down the stairs and went flying and landed on my back (thankfully not my belly) my head and neck hurt pretty bad but I wasn't having any contractions or anything. I called our doctor and he saw me for a quick visit in the office during lunch break and sent me up to the hospital for monitoring. Everything was okay and we left and Veda was comfortable as can be.

We waited patiently for labor to begin and I was inviting contractions and hadn't really experienced anything not even Braxton hicks contractions the entire pregnancy so I was starting to worry I'd NEVER go into labor on my own!!

Day 50: Its happening!!

We're having another baby!!! Baby #2 is due in April 2015!! I couldn't be more excited to announce this and we are 12 weeks today!! My VBAC journey has begun!!

I have an incredible doctor working with me and I trust him completely and I am 100% comfortable with him!! He is willing to let me go to 42 weeks without inducing (as long as everything up until then is okay!) Just a quick update!! Not sure who's still following this!!

Day 49: Thankful

I sit here and I am watching T.V. Elsie and McKenzie are sleeping, soundly and peacefully. I cannot express my thankfulness for the two of these ladies in my life!! McKenzie struggles with anxiety everyday and still goes to work everyday - she is extremely frustrated with her mental health and I hate that I cannot do a damn thing to help her!! I try to keep the house clean (I'm not the best housekeeper and that's NO secret). She works so hard so I can stay home with Elsie - It means the world to be that she chooses to do that for us! I have ALWAYS worked and when we got pregnant with Elsie I always imagined I always would. As soon as that little girl was in my arms - my desire to work 5 days a week was GONE. Second shift was DEFINITELY out of the question lol and I got that job at the hospital and it was awesome I was working while Elsie was sleeping at first and only 2-3 days a week. Then I switched to first shift and still only 3 days a week and it was still great!! I was happy and working was manageable. THEN I lost my job - and THEN she got sick and I kind of lost it a little bit - I tried to find a job before Elsie got sick but McKenzie stepped up right away when I lost my job (I was so upset and down on myself) McKenzie said that it was her choice to step up and get a job, and she got a great job!! Elsie got sick and I cannot imagine ever going back to work!!

It is so weird how roles change, and how much has changed since May of 2013. October 2011 I would have never imagined this being my life. And I've even talked about homeschooling Elsie WHAAAT?!?!? I've always been so anti-homeschooling - but with diabetes I want to make sure Elsie can manage her insulin intake herself before she goes to school. I think I am a fairly smart person and I can definitely teach Elsie elementary school subjects - there are a lot of places and groups that help get you set up etc...

I am also thankful for the Dexcom - it has been a HUGE game changer - helps me sleep better at night - the insulin pump has increased Elsie's quality of life for sure as well as our own and the Dexcom has definitely saved us some stress - as well as caused it but you win some you lose some! There are still days that we seem to have NO idea what we are doing and that just reminds us how awful this disease is - and that we cannot slack at all. If there is one thing diabetes does is keep you on your toes... :-) I wouldn't change my life for anything. I've never been happier - I am so thankful for the ability to communicate with McKenzie as well as we do. There are of course our own battles that we handle when they come but nothing is perfect and we are certainly not. We love each other and make decisions together (sometimes its hard) and at a result we have an amazingly healthy baby girl!!

I am thankful for my Mother - she has been such a huge support for our family!! She's helped whenever we've needed it - she only shows unconditional love for all three of us. She is our only trained diabetic babysitter and only person we can trust to be alone with Elsie without us - I hope that number will change in the years to come - but for now we are thankful for her desire to be there for us when we need some time to ourselves. As a parent of a diabetic we don't get date nights or much time at all ALONE - and it makes things a little more difficult sometimes... but we make the hour at night after Elsie goes to bed well worth the quality time!!

Life has definitely changed in several different ways since we introduced Elsie into our lives - some good, some bad, some happy, some sad but I wouldn't ask for anything different to be my life right now. I am insanely happy and VERY happy to be able to say that -

Been a while since I've posted in here hopefully I'll be posting more SOON!! Thanks for reading and supporting!!

Til Later
Sarah

Day 48: Reading can be difficult...

I recently purchased a book called "Cut, Stapled & Mended" its a book about a woman's journey to VBAC after a negative birth experience.. There have been a lot of differences between my experience and hers but there were similar feelings during the c-section that I wanted share. I almost found myself crying at certain points and re-reading a few sentences over and over... these in particular...

page 43:
      "I am no longer in the body that these things are happening to. I hover around it, not sure what else to do." - its such a scary and weird feeling to know that your entire body is being cut open and violently being ripped and life is actually being pulled out of you - yet you feel nothing and can not move to see this happening just have to trust that the sensations that you do feel are somehow explainable...

     "There is pulling, yanking hard, and pressure in the chest of the body that I used to be inside of. It can't breathe. The pulling, they are pulling the insides out, cutting and yanking." - as I said its so odd to feel nothing yet so much at the same time - and she mentions that classical music was playing - I don't remember music but I do remember them talking about going to the 4H fair and the food they were excited to eat...

page 45:
     "I didn't know how important my belly is to every movement." UNDERSTATEMENT of the century - enough said.

     "The electric hospital bed is the only way I can lift my body into a sitting position. When I cough or sneeze, it feels like the incision is ripping open." - never have I ever been so scared to sneeze in my life - I remember being woken up from the pain as the epidural was wearing off - and wanting so badly to push the PRN button and remembering to push it every 15 minutes - once it stopped beeping and they told me that they were turning it off and they'd take it out later in the day - I wanted to cry because I knew Norco was the only thing I had to take and it NEVER touched the pain I felt. I was breastfeeding so I was scared to ask for more. I even refused a prescription to take with me because I didn't want to affect Elsie after birth... McKenzie made me call the doctor a few days later to get a prescription because I lost myself to pain in a way... the pain of labor was NOTHING to the pain after the surgery.

     "If something is not located on the near edge of the side table, I cannot reach it. When his diaper needs changing, I must ask others to do it. When he needs a bath, I watch wistfully from the hospital bed, imagining that its my hands tenderly holding his head up from the water." - Feeling helpless and useless. I was only needed to feed the baby - I wanted to change her diapers. I wanted to get her out of the bassinet and stop her from crying. I wanted to let McKenzie sleep and not bother her - but I had to wake her up... I felt so guilty and helpless and I am not the type of person who can accept that as okay.

 - I remember NO nurses trying to get me out of bed. I remember being in SO much pain and wanting to get out of bed so badly!! I wish that a nurse would have been there to encourage me to get out of the bed. I had my friend Rosie help me out of bed when she was there the night after she was born... It was so painful - I remember my mom telling me that standing up straight was not possible and BOY was she right. My muscles had just been through TOO MUCH to be able to support my body straight up...  -

This book I think will prove to be very triggering - I think it will be healing and it will be empowering. I am part of  MANY VBAC Facebook groups and almost on a daily basis will I see a successful VBAC post. I also see unsuccessful CBACs too and the support for those women is amazing and I share in the support. I see that they fought and I am so proud of them for trying. There are so many women who truly think that there is NO OTHER option - and I love to see that it it possible and I will fight the good fight too!!

I wanted to talk about this little bit of the book that I read - I will continue to share my feelings on this book... I hope that the book continues to reel me in - read 45 pages in one night and had a hard time stopping!!

Til later,
 Sarah

Day 47: Not broken...

April marks the Cesarean awareness month. This is designed to educate mothers to avoid an unnecessary c-section. I feel that I am definitely one of those mothers who went into a pregnancy thinking that everything was going to be perfect and NEVER had a thought that I may be bullied or talked into something my body wasn't ready for. I was NOT educated enough about induction and the fact that they fail...I thought you went in they made you go into labor and then you had a baby - vaginally - I was not prepared for trauma and disaster. My whole birthing experience was awful to be honest!

I've never really expressed my feelings about it actually. It was the day my induction was scheduled for and I received a call at 6:30am that my induction would be "postponed" due to the unit being too full at the time. I was PISSED to say the least. I had been having contractions and losing my mucous plug for days before this moment and couldn't sleep through contractions. I was exhausted and more than ready (so I thought) to have this baby. So we try to take my mind off of the contractions and go to Bob Evans for breakfast - I couldn't even eat breakfast  because the contractions were so painful - horrible back labor - and now I know it was most likely position issues that caused the ineffective contractions. So we leave with the entire wait staff thinking I'm about to have this baby anytime!! YEAH RIGHT!!

We go back home - my mom is on her way and we get a call from the hospital at 10:30am that they are able to reschedule my induction and have me come in at 12 noon. I was beyond excited!! So we get there and they do their induction things - and I know I've already shared that part. What I haven't shared is the background noise that was happening.  McKenzie, my mom and my best friend were in the room with me. Doctor gave me a three person limit.  We get to hanging out - my contractions stopped once they gave me the suppository - and we hang out and watch TV and wait 4 hours for things to work. Stress begins to happen - my friend finds out her boyfriend is potentially cheating on her and is an emotional mess - I should have told her it was okay for her to leave - she honestly needed too. I feel like I pressured her to stay with me because I wanted her there - She needed to deal with her issue and being with me was stopping her from doing that but I also needed supportive people who were NOT distracted at all. She was a mess and I feel awful that she felt she could not leave.

I think another reason I agreed to this induction was because McKenzie is not the most patient person and was losing her patience to meet this beautiful baby I was making. I never researched my Bishop score - or asked what my chances for successful vaginal birth were... I will definitely be more prepared the next time around. My provider next time around will NOT induce me or even discuss induction until I reach 42 weeks - and hopefully that will not happen. I have decided that when my due date is given to me I am going to tell people two weeks from that date is my due date - that way people are not pressuring me and asking when I am going to have baby etc. Maybe it will even be a due month rather than due day.

I also do not want this to sound like I am blaming ANYONE for ruining my birth (aside from the doctor who cut me open and traumatized me) I invited all these individuals into my birthing experience and I welcomed everything they came with. I needed to stand up for myself and I did not do that. I was meek and didn't stand my ground but let the stress hurt my labor and I CHOSE for all of this to happen. I will say that next time the ONLY people allowed in the room are McKenzie, my mom, my doula and quite possibly a photographer. NO ONE else and that is because McKenzie and my mom will know my birth plan and know what I need - my doula will obviously know what I need, and I cannot have anyone that has connections to the outside world. My mom may not even be there!! She may have Elsie and be taking care of her while we are giving her a little brother or sister.

This experience is in the future obviously, but I am both excited and scared. It will be quite the journey and the learning experience. I have so much more to learn and read and experience before even trying that. With all that said I will be living April as a month to learn and educate myself and others about the pros and cons of a c section and the awfully high c section rate in this country. It is alarming how many women are given c sections and are traumatized as I was - its unnecessary and it needs to be seen as a problem... just a reminder that is will be MY birth and I will birth MY way and on MY terms - NO ONE knows my body like I know my body and I will experience vaginal birth as the amazing experience that it is and I will feel a healing VBAC - mark my words... MY BODY IS NOT BROKEN

Til later,
Sarah

Day 46:

Things have been awfully hectic around this household lately!! We have had two house guests for the last month! We let my best friend and her son move in with us temporarily while her and her husband were seperated and getting a divorce. Its been rough - We have let people live with us before and I think I forget the commitment it really is. More dishes, more laundry, more people, less room!! We do not have a big house to begin with and I love her to death BUT I will be happy to have the house back to myself - Kenz is going to go back to work at afirst shift job - which will be nice but I also have gotten used to having help with my babysitting kids having my friend AND Kenz here during the day - so I am sure the first few days will be trying! But I will move on. I like the idea that I am helping provide for the family!! I know that McKenzie's job will be able to take care of us solely but I want to be able to go back to school and I'd like to be able to pay for that with the money that I am earning myself!

I have been continuing to think about wanting to try for another baby - I know that right now is not the time to do this! I know that we have decided to wait a little bit, but I still have the desire to do so. I had envisioned a timeline of when my children would be apart age wise and I wanted so badly to keep with that. I wasn't able to necessarily follow it as I'd like because first I had a c-section which messed things up initially and then Elsie got sick - I want Elsie to be able to understand her Diabetes in a certain sense before we have another one. I still have SO much to learn in terms of my next birth and my options and my VBAC rights etc. I am so determined to do everything I can to give birth on my terms.

I have seen so much around me with loss of pregnancy or potential loss of life of their unborn child. It is terrifying to me that that is even an option - I could NOT imagine losing a child that I grew inside my body - and now for some reason this is a HUGE fear of mine.

I have SO much on my mind and I want to sleep for like 24 consecutive hours - Goodnight all!!

Til later,
Sarah